The Hill Street Blahg

It’s been six months since I had my wood deck built on the rear of our home. The gentleman who built the deck strongly suggested I treat the deck the moment I noticed the wooden posts on the railing starting to crack. Apparently this is the sure sign the wood has dried out enough to treat and that time has finally arrived. It’s been so darn hot this summer and the deck takes a direct hit from the sun all day long so it didn’t take long for the wood drying process to complete.

I decided I would do all of the wood treatment myself. Yesterday after I power washed the deck to prepare the wood I went to Lowes and purchased five gallons of CWF-UV Cedar Stain. After carting the heavy can to the rear of my home, I caved in and promptly called a Hispanic painting contractor I knew named William. Despite my good intentions to take on the job myself, I just don’t have the ambition and strength I once had to take on projects like this…especially in the direct sunlight and heat. And besides, I think I’m getting lazy as I approach my golden years.

So…today the deck will be treated by my Hispanic painter acquaintance and his two non-English speaking helpers. I wonder if I should check their credentials to make sure they’re in this country legally? I better not though. If I want my deck treated I had better keep my big conservative mouth shut because I might just get accused of a hate crime and they’ll accuse me of calling them a beaner or making fun of the Hispanic ring tones on their cell phones. In these politically correct times we live in you just can’t be careful enough when your in the company of an official Liberal victimized group of people. Everyone has such thin skin and gets extremely offended at the drop of a hat. The next thing you know you’re in the jackpot and wondering aloud, “What the heck did I do wrong?” These are crazy times here in America.

Even my cleaning ladies can’t speak English which really makes it difficult to communicate with them. My wife says when I talk to them, I speak real loud as if it’s going to help them to understand me better. She says I look foolish when I do it and she never fails to remind me I do the same thing when I talk on my cell phone. Chances are real good the ladies understand me very well but they choose to ‘dummy-up’ so they don’t have to deal with an old fart like me. One thing is certain about these Hispanics service providers though. They are very hard workers and they know how to count American dollars. I really admire them for their work ethic and mathematical abilities, but I do feel they should enter the country legally instead of river jumping. Ooops! The river jumping comment could be misconstrued as hateful so I best put a lid on it.

When my lovely wife returns from her mother-daughter weekend in very Hispanic sunny South Florida on Sunday, she will think I worked my rear end off when she sees the newly treated deck. Of course I will have to fess up and jokingly tell her it cost me a few Pesos to have Paco the Painter do it. Having said that, I hope she doesn’t turn me in to the thought police for my innocent but fun comment. You just never know how a woman will react to fun comments like that. In the end it will have been worth every hard earned gringo penny I pulled out of my hidden emergency stash to get the deck treated from the comfort of my family room. Life is good.